I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
