We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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