my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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