Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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