apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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