Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
