i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
