dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
