im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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