Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
