K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
