Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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