I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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