I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
