He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Text me some of your sweat
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
