so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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