Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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