No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
