She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
