Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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