I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
