She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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