a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
