Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
