dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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