I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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