you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
