Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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