i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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