mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
