wanna go halves on a baby?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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