My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
