Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
