Apparently you make a good broom.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
