He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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