I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
