Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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