I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I will pee on everything he values.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
