I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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