you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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