Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Plan B is the new Plan A
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
