do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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