I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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