Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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