I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
