that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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