I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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