just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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