I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
