That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is Oprah even human
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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